I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
