You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
