I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
