Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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