Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...