ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high