Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..