I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home