only if we run a train.
done.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
