im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
