I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
