Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
