on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
