I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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