it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
