Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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