Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
