you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
