chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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