I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
