I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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