There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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