my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
