maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
