im drinking this country out of the recession.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
