What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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