I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
