A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
