apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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