My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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