dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
