I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
