2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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