Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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