There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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