I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.