I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.