you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
