two words: eviction party
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
