I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
