She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
