Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
