I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
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