we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
