I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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