I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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