Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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