Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
