she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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