I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
