So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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