Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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