I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My dick has a subreddit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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