whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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