Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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