do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
