it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
