whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
