so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
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I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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