so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
we're so committed to being not committed
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
