i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
