Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
