How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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