A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
