So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize