i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
