I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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