Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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