I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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