I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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