what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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