Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
