Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
