ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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