i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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