i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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