i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
