The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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