You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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