For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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