I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
