Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
