That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
