if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
