Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
