we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
